The December People’s Choice Award goes to…

The people have spoken… The December People’s Choice Award goes to Jacob Marx Rice for his short play Oh Christmas Tree, presented as a staged reading at The Producers Club and via livestream on December 23rd. Congratulations, Jacob!

Courtesy of Jacob, we’re pleased to share the first few pages from the award-winning script. Enjoy!

Oh Christmas Tree
by Jacob Marx Rice

Characters
KELLY: Female. A bit snobby, a bit self-involved, a bit of a know-it-all, but she’s got a
great heart. She’s also a Christmas tree.
JENNY: Female. Kelly’s younger sister. A natural worrier who tries to pretend she isn’t.
She idolizes her sister, even when she sometimes gets annoyed by her. She’s a Christmas
tree too.

Setting
A Christmas Tree farm where they grow the trees and people come and pick them instead
of buying cut trees at a lot. It’s the day after Thanksgiving, the first day the lot is open.

(Two trees, Jenny and Kelly, stand next to each other.)

KELLY
I’m gonna get picked first.

JENNY
It’s not a competition.

KELLY
Of course not.
(Quietly, to herself)
Because I’m gonna win.

JENNY
Maybe we won’t get picked.

KELLY
What are you talking about? I’m gorgeous.
(Jenny pouts)
I meant we.

JENNY
There’s a lot of nice trees.

KELLY
There’s a lot of shit trees pretending they’re nice. Look at the holes, the brown needles. It’s the first day and they’re already a mess. Most of them probably won’t get picked at all.

JENNY
That wouldn’t be so bad.

KELLY
What are you talking about?

JENNY
I mean, if you got to stay here, relax with friends and family.

KELLY

Freezing our butts off outside in December? No thanks. I’ll take a beautiful mansion with central heating and a marble fireplace, thank you very much.

JENNY
You wanna be near a fireplace? Aren’t we flammable?

KELLY
Not that close, dummy. Just enough to warm the cockles of our hearts.

JENNY
We have cockles? I don’t want cockles!

KELLY
Will you just chill? You’re gonna weird out the customers.

(Pause)

JENNY
What’s it like? Once we’re chosen?

KELLY
I don’t know all the details. It’s the first day.

JENNY
Then how are you so sure you wanna get picked?

KELLY
Because that’s what we’re here for. It’s our purpose. Plus, I am gonna look sexy
decked out in bulbs and twinkle lights.

JENNY
And tinsel. I love tinsel.

KELLY
Ugh, tinsel is so tacky.

JENNY
You’re a snob.

KELLY
We’re noble firs.

JENNY
You’re a noble pain in the butt.

Join us for our next Monday Night PlayGround on January 20, live at The Producers Club and simulcast! For more info, click here!