The November People’s Choice Award goes to…

The people have spoken… The November People’s Choice Award goes to Jacob Marx Rice for his short play, Carnivores, presented as a staged reading Simulcast & On-Demand via Vimeo Live on November 28th. Congratulations, Jacob!

Courtesy of Jacob, we’re pleased to share the first few pages from the award-winning script. Enjoy!

Carnivores
by Jacob Marx Rice

(Zeke and Cheddar sit on the floor of an apartment living room. They are cats. A body lies a few feet from them.)

CHEDDAR
I think we should eat him.

ZEKE
What? You’re disgusting.

CHEDDAR
Just a little nibble.

ZEKE
That’s like… like cannibalism.

CHEDDAR
He’s human.

ZEKE
He’s an honorary cat. We promoted him after he switched to the organic cat food.

CHEDDAR
I didn’t agree to that.

ZEKE
We took a vote, Cheddar. It’s binding.

CHEDDAR
Only because the group voted to create rules with a vote that wasn’t in the rules because we hadn’t voted on the rules. Our whole society is a house of cards.

ZEKE
If we abandon the rules any time something changes then how are we any better than dogs?

(Cheddar hisses at Zeke.)

CHEDDAR
You take that back!

ZEKE
Fine. But you only want to eat him because you hate him.

CHEDDAR
I do not hate him, I hate the artificial hierarchical system that places him in a position of authority over us.

ZEKE
It’s not an artificial hierarchical system, Cheddar. It’s a can opener.

CHEDDAR
Not anymore. His can opening days are over. His only purpose now is being delicious.

ZEKE
We don’t even know that he’s dead.

CHEDDAR
He hit his head. Look at all this blood.

(Cheddar goes over and wipes up a bit of blood.)

CHEDDAR
See?

ZEKE
Eww. That’s so gross.

(Cheddar licks their paw)

CHEDDAR
Tastes pretty good.

ZEKE
Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww.

CHEDDAR
We’re carnivores, Zeke. Predators.

ZEKE
I know. I just prefer my prey in little silver cans.

CHEDDAR
Imagine a tiger saying that.

ZEKE
You can’t be—… Just cuz you’re vaguely orange, doesn’t make you a tiger.

CHEDDAR
But, like, it kinda does.

ZEKE
You’re a foot long and named after cheese. The only thing you’ve ever hunted is a laser pointer.

CHEDDAR
I am a noble jungle beast.

ZEKE
You’re a mouthy fluffball with a Napoleon complex.

CHEDDAR
You take that back.

ZEKE
Make me.

(They start hissing at each other.)

SUDS (O.S.)
Will you two shut up!

(They both cower as Suds emerges from behind the couch looking extremely cranky.)

SUDS
Do you realize that I have only gotten twenty-two hours of sleep in the last day? How is anyone supposed to function under these conditions?

ZEKE
It was Cheddar’s fault.

CHEDDAR
Was not.

ZEKE
Was too.

CHEDDAR
Was not.

(They start hissing at each other again.)

SUDS
I will eat you both.

(That silences Zeke and Cheddar)

Speaking of eating, isn’t it dinner time?

CHEDDAR
George is dead.

Join us for our next Monday Night PlayGround on December 26th! For more info, click here!